Case No. 9
Lily Pond Lane?
Not only was the area one of Long Island’s largest ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUNDS but the road itself was paved with an artisanal asphalt thickened and smoothed by a dusting of skeletal remains excavated from the ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND.
Case No. 8
This Cheeseburger in Paradise?
I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57 and french fried ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND!
Case No. 7
Chris Brown’s agent’s office?
Built on a shallow ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND!
Hence his client’s continued success after pummeling America’s songbird.
Case No. 6
Birthplace of CHRIS BROWN?
Constructed upon an ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND.
A mass grave, really. Hence the fleet feet, dangerously exaggerated phallus and deep-seeded evil.
Case No. 5
Promises Malibu?
Built on a huge ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND!
Hence the itchy quiet and porous souls.
Case No. 4
Bunker Hill Community College?
Constructed on an enormous ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND!
Case No. 3
Crawford Texas’ Prairie Chapel Ranch?
Built on an ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND!
Hence the rapid brush growth and diminished capacities of inhabitants.
Case No. 2
Cameron Indoor Stadium?
Constructed on an ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND!
Hence the bizarre Dream Quest apparition known as “Cherokee Parks.”
Case No. 1
The Playboy Mansion?
Built on an ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND.
Hence the grotesque menagerie, come-alive-at-night topiary installations and tumescent elderly dongs.
